Back at work

Its been a while as I’ve gone back to work. Finding time to go to the loo is hard enough let alone writing a post or having the energy. Since returning to work I am feeling a lot of conflicting emotions. I love my job and I love being there as it feels like a break. It’s quiet and relaxing, but I feel like I’ve abandoned my children. People who ask me if I’m back full time have this look on their face of pity as though I have been forced to come back and I had no choice. I’m made to feel guilty for my choice as though I have chosen to abandon my children. I shouldn’t have to justify myself but I feel obliged to. There’s this weird double standard that if you don’t return to work you are antiquated and obviously not very clever but if you do you are abandoning your children. On the other hand men who stay off with their children are heroes and those that go back to work are providing for their families. I do feel guilty that the staff at the nursery see more of my children then I do and that most of my communication with them is screaming commands in the rush to get out the door in the morning. But how much will they remember? I need to do my job to feel like me, to feel normal but it doesn’t mean I love my children any less than those who stay at home with theirs. Happy mummy, happy children.