Have I damaged my baby?

During my pregnancy with child B, I suffered with hyperemesis gravidarum which means that I could not stop throwing up. The duchess of Cambridge had to announce her pregnancies early because of the condition but there are actually several types. The type the duchess had where you can’t keep anything down and you throw up about 10 times a day but it ends early in your second trimester, or you have the type I had where you throw up about 5-10 times a day for the entire pregnancy. Now the signs that you have the condition are failure to keep anything down and a loss of at least 7% body weight. I’ve seen some women on different blogs and sites saying that women don’t have the condition because they haven’t been throwing up enough. It’s not a competition. If you’re small like me then throwing up 5 times a day is as detrimental to your health as 10 times for a larger person. If you lose more than 7% body mass and can’t keep stuff down then you have the condition. And my throwing up went from 5 weeks until 38 weeks with no let up. Some days it was only 1-2 times a day, some days it was 11. I ended up in hospital for 3 days for dehydration at 30 weeks because I couldn’t even keep water down. In order to try and relieve my nausea and my throwing up, I was prescribed many different types of anti-emetics (think that’s how you spell it) including the ones they give to cancer patients who are going through chemo to stop them throwing up. Unfortunately nothing worked. But I still took these tablets, that were prescribed, all through my pregnancy. Now, whilst they were prescribed, the thought of the babies who were born with deformities in the 60’s due to thalidomide which was prescribed for the condition constantly made me believe that I was damaging my baby. So now that he’s here and doing baby things, I constantly think; “is he not developing as fast as his brother because I damaged him taking those tablets?” Or “his arm is twitching. Is it doing that because of the tablets”. I know they are different people but I can’t help but compare them as child A is the only measure I have. So will I constantly think I’ve damaged my baby? Probably.

How to occupy yourself during the 3am feed

Very random post. Staying awake for this feed is one of the hardest parts for me as there is this constant battle of whether or not to stay awake. Do you let yourself drift and possibly drop the baby or do you occupy yourself. If you occupy yourself then you run the risk of being too awake when you get back to bed to go back to sleep. As I breast feed, you’re supposed to wait until the baby comes off your nipple on their own as it indicates that they’re full. I run a constant discussion in my head of “is he finished? Is he asleep enough? Can I take him off without waking him? If I do, will he wake up earlier to have more?”. I really hate the 3am feed!