This past week had been a real struggle for me. Child A has been particularly clingy and emotional and child B is teething. On top of that, after 6.5 months of maternity leave, I am BORED. Not just “can’t really think of anything to do” bored but the “I’ve even cleaned the fridge inside and out” bored. Whilst I was determined to have some form of routine for the little people, it has meant that week after week is the same and there is no let up. But this feeling of boredom makes me feel guilty for not loving every moment I have with my children.
I had post natal depression with child A and during my councilor sessions, we did a lot of work on whether other people felt the way I did so I know I’m not alone, but when times are tough, it’s hard to remember that and for it to have any effect on my mood.
I have several friends who are also on maternity leave this time round but I find myself not wanting to bother them. Either I Don’t feel we’re close enough to have the “I’m hating my life right now but feel incredibly guilty for feeling that way” conversation. Or they have bigger issues and I don’t want to bore or burden them with my trivial problems.
There are so many programmes about people having babies and there is always one person who is the type of mother who “just adores every moment with their beautiful perfect child who’d they’d do anything for” and I find myself both hating and being jealous of these people. Now it could be a charade but it makes me feel bad. Am I a terrible mum for not wanting to be a mum 24/7. Am I alone thinking this or does everyone feel this way?